Teaser Trailer Tuesday - Director of "REC" releasing new film

     Once upon a time, in the year 2007, a no-name director named Jaume Balaguero made an awesome, creepy, violent, POV-style zombie film named [REC].  But Balaguero is a Spanish filmmaker, and Americans hate to read subtitles, so a better-known, lesser-quality, crappy version named Quarantine was made a year later for the masses who don't mind rip-offs.  
     That same director has another movie releasing this year in Spain called Sleep Tight, and from the looks of the trailer, I hope he does not make the same mistake twice.  At least demand the studio that remakes your idea come up with their own storyboard and shot list this time, dude.  Geez.

Link to trailer:

http://www.latinoreview.com/news/trailer-for-sleep-tight-from-rec-director-13346

Movies to Watch on Holocaust Rememberance Day, Or Easter (if you're into that)

      This Sunday is not only Easter; it is also Holocaust Remembrance Day.  You probably didn't know that.  That's because you're ignorant, and you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
     I'm just kidding.  I actually didn't know that either, until I looked on a calendar and decided to make this entry.
     So if you're estranged from your family and have nothing to do on Easter, or you're letting your kids collect their own eggs in the park- possibly leaving them at risk to find a dead body instead - here are three movies you can watch that can help you remember the Holocaust for what it was - awful.  I'm not saying these are the best of all the Holocaust film genre, but they are all well done in their own right.  That said, all of these films will most certainly leave you feeling as empty as our Lord's tomb.

1. Downfall (Der Untergang)

  
     No other interpretation of Hitler on film has ever been as unnerving as that of Bruno Ganz in Downfall, a film I was fortunate enough to come across years ago.  Few films devote as much time and insight to the Nazi monster as this film does, which follows the last days of Adolf Hitler in his bunker with his officials, advisers, and friends slowly losing faith in him and his weakening army.  Ganz's performance is incredibly passionate, convincing, and genuine, and nearly brings us to the brink of sympathy for the fascist leader as his mental and physical state begins to completely derail.  This is a feat in of itself.  Why this is not a much more recognized film is beyond me; perhaps because the plight of the Jewish people in the ghetto and the camps, not the plight of the madman who put them there, sells a lot better.

2. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas

 

     Question: what is the worst type of Holocaust movie?  Answer: the one with children in it.  This film is nothing overly-special as far as acting, cinematography, or score, but it tugs at the heart-strings of anyone who has a soul.  The story engulfs both sides of the barbed-wire fence: that of Bruno, a young wealthy boy whose father is an SS officer, and a new friend he's made, Schmuel, who wears "funny striped pajamas" and lives inside of a concentration camp with his Jewish family.  This film is full of adult themes, which are then told and interpreted through the eyes of two children, making them that much more poignant, and in some cases, disgusting and horrifying.  Prepare for literally one of the most depressing movies you will ever see.

3. The Pianist

 

     Adrien Brody will never hear the end of that kiss he gave Halle Berry for the Oscar he won from this role, but I suppose it was all worth it.  His role, and this movie, is based on the true story of a Polish/Jewish musician named Wladyslaw Szpilman, who escaped Nazi persecution and the destruction of the infamous Warsaw ghetto.  The Pianist is full of juxtaposition - villains and heroes (on both sides), beauty and violence, war and peace; the music of the film carries it strongly through each of these phases.  These contrasts bring out the gritty reality, horror, and devastation that the Holocaust and World War II in general had on one individual's life.  I'm going to go ahead and prove that point by making everyone's stomach churn who has seen this film when I say one word: wheelchair. 

     So when you're devouring Cadbury eggs and taking pictures with bunnies and all that other Easter crap that you do, don't forget to reflect on a dark corner of history - with film, or without it.

(image sources - politics.co.uk/wondersinthedark.wordpress.com/myremoteradio.com)

  

Nicole Polizzi Isn't Fat Anymore

      As much as I don't care for Nicole Polizzi (I really try not to call her Snooki - that's just degrading to everyone), and as much as I hate to give her credit for anything, she has apparently drastically changed her appearance by losing quite a bit of weight, and hitting the gym instead of the nightclubs.  Which is weird, because going to nightclubs NEVER backfired on her.

    She spoke with US weekly, saying:

"I just go to my trainer. He trains Victoria Secret models.  
I just want to get back into shape like I used to be."

     What do you think readers?  Does our little orange friend look any different?  And just remember, Snooki (dammit, even I can't do it), you can't bench press or stair master melanoma away. 

NEW SEGMENT! Documentary Wednesday

     I know what most people think of documentaries; they think they're boring, or that they all come from PBS and are about lions and their cubs or shit like that. That is exactly why I am making this segment, because there are so many documentaries that cover so many subjects and absolutely kick ass.  They expose you to the most bizarre and obscure people and places that you would otherwise never know about.
     A documentary filmmaker/director actually made headlines today, but for a very sad reason.  Tim Hetherington was killed in Libya today while covering the conflict that has continued there for weeks.  His documentary, Restrepo, was a film released last year that followed a platoon in a dangerous part (danger is relative term here) of Afghanistan.

  

The film won recognition at Sundance and even took home the Grand Jury Prize.  If you recognize Hetherington's name from anywhere else, it was probably because he was the director of photography for The Devil Came on Horseback, another documentary covering war and genocide in Sudan.  He was 41 years old.

 

     Though I have not seen Restrepo yet, I will in the near future, and post the review here.  It's a shame that making good films that are truthful, real, eye-opening, and creative costs not a million dollars, but a man's life.

Bill and Ted's New "Adventure"

     Nearly 25 years ago, Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter made telephone booths, Circle K gas stations, and the stoner lifestyle iconic through the comedy Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.  In case you were wondering, it's a film about two boys named Bill and Ted, and they go on an excellent adventure.  But like everything else in Hollywood these days, nothing stays sacred and original forever.  Bill and Ted is getting a reboot.  Both Winter and Reeves are set to star in the remake, with a script that is apparently, according to Reeves, "6 weeks away from being complete".  

     You know, I don't really care for Keanu Reeves.  His acting is like if you put a dark wig on a board and it somehow could speak out of the side of its mouth.  But I do love this movie, which says a lot, because that means my love for this movie outweighs my dislike for Reeves.  Which makes me wonder, why is it getting remade?  And how will the plot be different?  Maybe this time Bill and Ted will have an English paper to present, and have to go back in time through an iPhone and get Shakespeare to help them, or some crap like that. 

(image source=www.listal.com)

Nicholas Cage Arrested for Domestic Violence, Not His Awful Movies

     Everyone is talking about Nicholas Cage's arrest this weekend in New Orleans, in which a drinking-induced argument with his wife led to him into the back of a squad car with domestic abuse, battery, and disturbing the peace charges.     

     In my opinion, Nicholas, it really can only go up from here.  I mean, after Wicker Man, Ghostrider, Bangkok Dangerous, National Treasure 2, Knowing, G-Force, The Sorcerer's Apprentice, Season of the Witch, and Drive Angry (3-D!), you can't give up now.  Maybe you'll be on an episode of MSNBC's  Lock Up Raw or something.  That could be just the defibrillator your career needs!

OMFG, VIDEO FROM "THE HOBBIT" SET IN NEW ZEALAND

     Peter Jackson wants everyone to know how hard he is working on his next epic project, The Hobbit, and he is making periodical video-blogs and pictures to prove it.  These 10 minutes went by way WAY too fast for me.  I'll be posting each of Jackson's vlogs every time he makes a new one, so all of you, my faithful readers, can be as big as stalkers informed as I am. 

Awful Movie Trailer of the Day

   This is why Orlando Bloom quit Pirates of the Caribbean.  What Milla Jovovich is doing in this I'm not quite sure.  I looked away half-way through. 

 

Don't Watch That, Watch This

     Movies about kids are hard to make well.  The lives of kids are very convoluted and abstract, because children/adolescents can't express themselves like adults.  They also think differently than adults, and you have to convey that as a filmmaker.  If you're a good filmmaker, anyway.  Otherwise you can just blindly make another Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants movie, and then go collect your Judas money.  
    There are some very dark movies involving children, and very light-hearted ones; some would argue that darker movies about children exploit them, while others argue that happy-go-lucky kid movies paint an unrealistic picture of real things that children encounter in life.  These two films are most definitely on the darker side.  One just sucks more than the other.

Don't Watch That:  Thirteen

 

Watch This:  Welcome to the Dollhouse

Where Thirteen Loses:

     Thirteen is poorly written and, despite some desperate attempts at acting from Evan Rachael Wood and Holly Hunter, it is way over the top.  The movie follows a seventh grade girl (who looks more seventeen than thirteen) named Tracy who becomes friends with the school hottie bad girl, Evie.  How Tracy becomes her friend is a little confusing and not very well explained, but basically Evie liked the way she shoplifted something.  Before you know it, lip piercings and ecstasy are these girls' main activities.  The film doesn't have a strong plot or pace to it; I think what bothered me most about this film was that it delved into very heavy material, like teen drug use, child abuse implications, and seventh graders having sex with older guys, and then failed to follow up with any real consequences that occurred in lieu of the girls' decisions.  It's almost as if the writers and producers wanted to make a "shock value" teen movie by presenting these issues to the audience, and then didn't have the guts to go through with explaining them, or at least placing it in the context of a good story.  What a lame cop out.     

Where Dollhouse Wins:

     Welcome to the Dollhouse is one of the funniest and most bizarre movies you will ever see about middle school.  Heather Matarazzo gives an amazing performance as unattractive sibling-in-the-middle Dawn Weiner, a seventh-grader whose last name is really the least of her problems.  Her life consists of inattentive, selfish parents, a whiz-kid older brother, a younger sister who is a ballerina and picture-perfect, and an intense crush on an older high school boy trying to make it as a musician.  Dawn's harsh life is what she reflects back to the world; she's mean and rash and cruel sometimes because others are mean and rash and cruel to her.  You find yourself rooting for her, and then quickly disliking her because of the situations she gets herself into, and then sympathizing with her again when those situations get even worse.  This film is one of the most underrated gems of all time.

Useless Trivia of the Week

     Zack Snyder's new epic fail film Sucker Punch was actually the first work he did without any basis on previous material.  Dawn of the Dead was a remake, 300 and Watchmen were based on graphic novels, and that one guardian-owl movie was based on a book.  Looks like from reviews and revenue of Sucker Punch, maybe Mr. Snyder is better off looking at other people's papers.  Hey Zack, it's ok, maybe originality isn't your thing.  Wow I should've just titled this entry "Useless".

photosource:deadline.com

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Insidious Is....Disappointing.

     Insidious was supposed to be one of the scariest and well written horror films this year, and it unfortunately failed at both.  I say that with a heavy heart, because I was rooting for this film the minute I walked into the theater.  I even posted the trailer on this blog two weeks ago!  I have been waiting for years for a movie to scare the crap out of me.  If director James Wan had made the entire movie exactly like the first 53 minutes, he would have struck gold, taken horror back to its roots, and I would be sleeping with a nightlight for the next three weeks.  We all would've won.

    Insidious is about a boy named Dalton who slips into a suspicious coma after falling in the upstairs attic, and leaves his parents wondering if he is really in a coma at all.  It deals with spirits that are not haunting a house, but tormenting a body whose inhabitant has been lost in a realm known as "The Further".  Yeah, I know, I liked the first sentence a lot more too.  The first half of the movie was fantastically creepy, and delivered a few very good jumps.  Just from the title screen and score alone, you can tell that James Wan (director/writer of the first and only decent Saw movie) wanted to put contemporary horror back into a shell of good old-school horror.   

    But around the half-way point, it's all downhill from there.  The acting fizzles out (Rose Byrne needs to take screaming lessons from the chic in the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre), and the story / effects become laughable.  I had a real problem with the film's portrayal of The Devil, who is the strongest spirit vying for control of Dalton's body.  First of all, what is up with the producers of Paranomal Activity and their fetish with Lucifer?  And why does he always have hooves???  Please, someone explain this to me.  Secondly, what should have been very macabre and completely terrifying instead came off as vaudevillian and very cheap.  There were a lot of details that never get explained either.  I could use this script as a strainer it had so many plot holes.

 

  

  Many are claiming this movie ripped off several older horror films, from Nightmare on Elm Street to Poltergeist.  Several of these claims are legitimate, but people need to understand that horror is a genre notoriously known for similar archetypes throughout the decades.  What bothered me most was that this really could have been a great film.  It really could have been scary.  It just...wasn't.  My advice?  Rent it on DVD and watch the first half, then ask someone how it ends.  Trust me, their explanation will be more exciting.  

Note:  If you are looking for a very creepy movie about parents trying to find/reach their child in supernatural circumstances, Guillermo Del Toro's The Orphanage is for you.  

The Night Just Got a Little Darker

     I have a confession, faithful readers.  This week hasn't been easy on me.  It's been a rough couple days.  First I heard about how much money the animated jelly-bean feces movie Hop made over the weekend (Hint: less than 38.2 million, more than 38 million), and the fact that Russell Brand is in it makes it that much worse.  Speaking of that asshole, I went to the movies this weekend to see Insidious (review to come), which was disappointing and not scary to say the least, unless you count Rose Byrne's acting, and I found a poster advertising for the release of the remake of Arther, which Brand will also star in.  So much horrible-ness in so little time.  When it rains, it pours.

    So I was depressed as it was.  And it was only Monday.  But now, I have even more reasons to contemplate jumping out of a window onto a train that's on fire, because I woke up today to three atrocious words: Smith.  Shymalan.  MOVIE.  

    Oh, yes, it has happened.  Will and Jaden Smith, along with wife/mom Jada Pinkett Smith are going to be producing/acting in a sci-fi crime film with M. Night Shymalan, whose career has plummeted faster than a hot air balloon made out of lead with a hole in the top and fat people in the basket.  The story will be set a thousand years into the future, and will follow the journey of a young boy navigating a barren planet with his estranged father.  I'm going to go ahead and make a few bold statements here - this movie is going to be in 3-D, have Justin Beiber as an extra, and possibly rip off The Road.  Oh, and it will suck.  All we have to do is look for the Signs, and ask ourselves, what's Happening?  I can go all day with clever Shymalan puns.  Wow I feel better already.

  

Renner Up

     Jeremy Renner has blown up this year.  Not literally.  Although that would be interesting to see.  Not funny, but interesting.  It'd be funny to see obnoxious douche Russell Brand blow up, but Jeremy is too talented and nice for spontaneous combustion to be laughable.  But I digress.  
     Matt Damon, you are being replaced.  Jeremy Renner was announced today to be the next Jason Bourne, which seems like a pretty badass choice to me.  The Bourne series apparently has nothing to do with the Robert Ludlum books, but is quality action movie viewage nonetheless.  Not only that, but Renner will also be making an appearance as Hawkeye in the new Thor movie.  I could give two craps about Thor, but I am happy to see such a great actor getting some roles.  
     That actually brings me to the main reason of this blog.  Here's a clip of Renner 20 years ago in a junior college play, The Wizard of Oz, as the Scarecrow.  So there you go.  Kids from community college can do something with their lives.  I, however, am the exception.  
     Anyway, if you watch this clip and wonder what the hell the guy in the black suit is on the left side of the stage on all fours, it's the poor shmuck who had to play Toto.  Because a real dog just would've looked STUPID.

  

Pixar's April Fools Day Joke

     And thank God it was a joke, too.  Totoro looks a little scary.  You really had some people there, Pixar!