Um.....

...I'm sorry, but, WTF is this??  

     Sorry about the shitty video quality, but don't worry, it does not detract from the absolute awfulness of this sketch.  Anne Hathaway and James Franco hosted the Oscars last night (which I did not watch - I only read the list of winners afterwards), and as you can see, I did not have to hang myself with piano wire as I previously promised, had The Social Network actually won Best Picture.
     So today I woke up happy that I didn't have to kill myself...and then I started reading about how Anne Hathaway and James Franco made jackasses of themselves last night.  I saw this opening sketch they did, and holy crap, it's bad.  So of course I have to repost it.  The last time I cringed this much was when I watched Rachael Getting Married, which also had Anne Hathaway in it.  Coincidence?  I think not.
          Oh, and if you can make it to the end, they throw some Back to the Future in there too.  Hey, you two, you guys can fuck up the present if you want...but leave The Future alone!  LAME.

Useless Trivia of the Week

     Adrien Brody and his nose originally auditioned for the role of Jackie Boy in Sin City.  Yeah, I know, cheap shot.
     Anyone else excited for Sin City 2?  

 "You're making a big mistake man...

a BIG mistake."

Oscar Week: Best Director and Best Picture Prediction - Tom Hooper and "The King's Speech"

     I decided to just lump these both together, mostly because I was lazy, and also because I am crossing my fingers hoping that Tom Hooper will win both of these awards tonight for The King's Speech.  Best movie by far.   Hooper recently picked up a DGA, which bodes well for him to take the Oscar instead of Fincher.  If The Social Network wins for Best Picture, I will hang myself with piano wire.  
     Good luck to all the nominees tonight...And remember, second place is first loser.   

 BFFs

Oscar Week: Best Supporting Actress Prediction

Hailee Steinfeld - True Grit

 Why she deserves it:
     Why doesn't she deserve this award?  She did a great job - a great natural actress.  It's also nice to see a teenager with some actual talent.  Elijah Wood grew up and River Phoenix died, so I was starting to lose hope there for a second.  Thank God you came along, Hailee.  
     Wow, what would a conversation with her sound like?  "My name is Hailee Steinfeld.  What am I doing with my first 14 years on Earth?  Oh, not much...just being great and acting in movies with Matt Damon and Jeff Bridges and being one of the youngest nominees of the Oscars, no big deal.  I used to act in shorts and TV in my younger days, but I'm over that now.  All grown up.  No big deal."  Oh, kids.    

Watch this.

It is hilarious.

New Segment: "Blast from the Past" - David Lynch's The Elephant Man

     Every once in a while, I like to remove myself from the awful drivel that Hollywood has been cranking out lately in this day and age, and go back to a much better film period...a time of originality and quality story lines...with dramas that weren't contrived, comedies that weren't boring, and action movies that weren't cheesy...that's right.  I'm talking about the 90s.   
     I have so many favorite movies from the 1970s-90s it's not even funny.  So whenever I get depressed after seeing another preview for a Nicholas Cage movie, I know I've got a stack of VHS tapes at home to bring me some form of comfort.  Either that or Netflix.  
     Netflix actually brings me to my main point.  They had The Elephant Man to watch instantly online.  I had no choice but to completely drop everything I was doing, however important, and watch that movie.  

      The first time I saw this movie I was in high school, and back then, it was probably one of the more disturbing movies I had seen.  This movie is disturbing to me still to this day.  The story of John Merrick and his days in the circus as a freak show, and then his transfer to the hospital of Sir Fredrick Treves, is a journey that David Lynch chronicles through beautiful black and white shots and a jarring score.  John Hurt's humane portrayal of Merrick and genuine, tragic, and triumphant at the same time.
     The awesome thing about this film is that it created the category in the Oscars for "Best Makeup", due to so many complaints after the awards, which means that Lord of the Rings and The Fly would have never picked up such well-deserved awards had it not been for this film being so snubbed.  And if John Hurt was going to lose to another actor for Best Actor, I'd rather it be Robert DeNiro in Raging Bull than anyone.   

Oscar Week: Best Actress Prediction

Natalie Portman - Black Swan

     Wow, this is almost too easy.  Portman is easily the favorite this year.  Black Swan was not only one of the most mesmerizing films of the year, it was one of film legend Darren Aronofsky's best.  

Why she deserves it:

     Natalie Portman is a pretty versatile actress.  She's comical, dramatic, and, with Black Swan, "completely crazy" can be added to the list of characters she portrays well.  Talk about talent.  Her character's spiral into insanity was so well paced and acted out that you almost forget it is Portman at all.  The desire of perfection is a thin line for any athlete, and Aronofsky's film shows us this with stark and psychotic imagery. She's got this one in the bag.  If you have not seen this movie yet, stop reading this and get your ass to a theater.

Oscar Week: Best Supporting Actor Prediction

     This category is going to be the hardest to call, because all of these roles were equally outstanding.  I have actually two opinions on this...who I think will win, and who I think deserves to win.

Christian Bale - The Fighter

     The Golden Globes are absolutely useless in my opinion, but they are usually the crystal ball to Oscar glory.  There are exceptions, of course (Halle Berry for Monster's Ball comes to mind the fastest), but many Golden Globe winners go on to win the Academy Award.  This theory is my only basis for this prediction, because, (DISCLAIMER ALERT) I have not seen The Fighter, mostly because the trailer was hokey and...I don't know, it looked like it might, MIGHT suck.  Thus is fell into the category of 'rent on DVD'.  
     Anyway, Christian Bale will most likely win this Sunday, not only because he picked up the Golden Globe, but also because he 1) played a character in a "based on a true story" plot, and 2) morphed into that character by apparently not eating for months.  Wow, all of a sudden I have deja vu...didn't someone ELSE get an Oscar off of a role about a real person while drastically changing their appearance?  Oh well, it'll come to me.

     Also, that is not a picture of Christian Bale from The Fighter...it's from his 2004 movie The Machinist, which kicked ass.  I just posted that picture because the left side of the frame is so awful and creepy.  
     If Bale doesn't take this home, John Hawkes should.  He was amazing in Winter's Bone. 

OMFG "HESHER" TRAILER

This movie has been on my Netflix Saved List for like, 5 months.  If you're looking for a movie with Rainn Wilson as a drunk, Natalie Portman in librarian glasses, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt with long hair, eating cereal and jumping off diving boards ON FIRE...this movie is for you.  Or, will be for you, when it finally comes out. 

Oscar Week: Best Actor Prediction

     Next Sunday, February 27th, are the 83rd Annual Academy Awards, which I will not be viewing, mostly due to the fact that when you boil it down it's only a 3-6 hour long block of advertisements.  And discussions about who wore what.  Blech, who cares.  I only care about betting on who will take the golden guy home at the end of the evening.  

     So for the next six days, I'm going to pitch in my two cents on who I believe should win in the six major categories: Actor, Supporting Actor, Actress, Supporting Actress, Director, and Picture.  Here goes.

Best Actor:  Colin Firth, The King's Speech

 

Why he deserves it:

     Colin Firth is probably one of my favorite English actors.  He was great in Love Actually and especially A Single Man, which he was nominated for last year.  His portrayal of King George VI is dead on.  His mannerisms, the cadence at which he speaks, his facial expressions - these all bring out the insecurity and vulnerability of his character.  It was one of the best movies I saw this year, hands down, and Firth stole the show.  Bloody good.

This is the worst movie I have ever seen.

     Last night I was apparently in a self-hating mood, and decided to watch Troll 2.  By every right, this movie is the most awful movie ever made.  It makes The Room look Oscar worthy.  I looked on RottenTomatoes, and it has a 0% rating.  I seriously did not think that was possible. 
     I mainly watched this movie to prepare myself for the documentary I'll be viewing (and blogging about) later this week on the making of this abomination called Best Worst Movie.  Apparently the actor that played the dad, Michael Hardy, is a dentist now, who likes to brag about being in this film.  Michael Stephenson, the child actor who played Joshua, decided to redeem himself by directing this documentary. 
     We all love to hate Troll 2, but holy crap, every time I watch this part of the movie I laugh hysterically.

Hey look - it's that guy who was supposed to do "The Hobbit"

Poor Guillermo del Toro.  No more prospects for getting involved in The Hobbit, which is slated for Peter Jackson to start filming in March (FINALLY).  Now it looks like his newest project, the remake Don't Be Afraid of the Dark is getting screwed by Miramax.  It caused a lot of stir last year at a Comic Con panel, where the crowd was allowed to see an 8-minute snippet from the the film (lucky bastards).  But because of complications with Disney and Miramax, I'm not expecting to see this anytime soon.  Which is too bad, because even though it may not be as good as the original creepy made-for-TV movie with Kim Darby, I was willing to give it a chance, because let's face it, del Toro is an amazing filmmaker.  Man, and I bet his monsters for The Hobbit were gonna be badass too.  Can anyone give this guy a break?

I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship

Well, it's finally happened.  The shovel has broken the ground, the ribbon is cut - and now I finally have a tiny crevice in cyberspace to ramble, rant, review, and regurgitate anything resembling film.  This blog will be updated about every other day with my thoughts on current films, award shows, and news.  

Movies are a big part of my life.  I think they are incredible to watch, critique, and create.  Anyone who feels the same, or at least got the reference of the post title, is welcome here.